Matthew Williams - Prank Caller Extraordinaire
by Forever Prosperous
Summary: Tired of being ignored and getting mistaken for America, Canada found a way to get back at the offending nations in the form of making prank calls. T for vulgar language.
1. Chapter 1

**'Matthew Williams: Prank Caller Extraordinaire**

**By Forever Prosperous**

**Summary: Tired of getting mistaken for America, Canada found a way to get back at the offending nations in the form of making prank calls.**

**Note 1: I don't own this anime. **

**Note 2: THIS STORY WILL HAVE MASSIVE SWEARING/STEREOTYPING! IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, ****_DON'T READ IT!_**

* * *

Canada picked up his notes. The world conference had finished up. Surprisingly, it went reasonably smoothly. Of course, there was the bickering between America and England. Sweden and Denmark got into a full-fledged fight; what it was about though, Canada could care less.

Romania and Hungary were annoying, too.

"America!"

Upon exiting the meeting room, Canada turned around, expecting the response from his former colonizer.

He knew what was happening. He was falsely identified as his brother. Again.

England was storming towards him as if he announced he supports Argentina's claim over the Falkland Islands. He knew that England was mad at America for telling nations that England was crazy, among other things.

"How many bloody times do we have to go over this?" He began.

Out of nowhere, a bit of confidence overcame the Canadian, so he tried to retort, "How many times do I have to remind you I am-"

"You have made it quite clear that you think of yourself as a bloody hero!" Snapped England.

"But-" Canada tried to interject.

"Perhaps if you cut back on the hamburgers, you'd be quite the hero to cows!" He remarked mockingly.

"You know what, I'm not in the mood, just piss off," England finished, and he stormed away.

Canada couldn't quite explain why, but something in him just snapped. No, not as in he was going to go on a killing rampage snapped, but he just wanted to be a tiny bit rebellious.

He had enough of being mistaken for America and having to fight whoever was harassing him.

He wanted to do something to England, but not in a way that would seriously hurt him. He was Canada, after all.

"Kuma, what should I do?" He asked his loyal yet forgetful bear.

Instead, all he got was, "Who are you?"

Canada rolled his eyes. "I'm Canada, your owner. The one who feeds you salmon, trout, and other fish."

Kuma perked up at the mention of the fish. "Trout?!"

Canada chuckled.

"C'mon, let's get out of this dreadful place..."

* * *

And so, the two of them begin their walk to their hotel room.

Ten minutes into their walk, a small park came into view. Naturally, Kumajiro wanted to play for a bit. Canada didn't mind, so he set Kuma down, who went off chasing whatever animal could walk.

Canada sat nearby on a bench. He was still trying to come up with ways to get back at England. Being ignored or mistaken for America by England always happened at the conferences, and Canada was sick of it.

His answer came somewhat unexpectedly in the form of a guy scolding someone over the phone.

"How many times do I have to tell you, Henry! Prank calling is not funny! I know it's you!"

Canada perked up at the mention of prank calling.

"That's it! Prank calling!" Canada exclaimed. In his mind, It was a perfect idea. Not only did he have to do it face to face; he could do it multiple times without getting caught!

"I'm hungry! I want some food!" Whined Kuma.

"Lucky for you, Kumatoto, we're heading to our room right now," replied Canada, much to his pet's delight.

* * *

** This was a story that's based on a headcanon of mine. That headcanon was inspired by the scene in the movie _Serial Mom,_ where the Main character prank calls her neighbor. To see the video in question, Go to youtube, or where ever you watch videos, and type in "Serial Mom Prank Call".**

**I hope you enjoy.**


	2. Chapter 2

**'Matthew Williams: Prank Caller Extraordinaire'**

**By Forever Prosperous**

**Summary: Tired of getting mistaken for America, Canada found a way to get back at the offending nations in the form of prank calling.**

**Note 1: I don't own this anime. **

**Note 2: THIS STORY WILL HAVE MASSIVE SWEARING/STEREOTYPING! IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, ****_DON'T READ IT!_**

* * *

Canada sat down in the chair at the desk in his hotel room. Using the notepad and pen hotels give to guests, he was writing out a script to use to say to England. Canada knew that for the call to be a success, he needed to make it enjoyable.

He first decided to try and masquerade as America, but he knew that would backfire immediately. England would hang up on him. He thought maybe it wouldn't hurt to be himself and pretend to be a telemarketer.

Canada decided to take on a gruff voice when it was time to make a call. He listed all of England's negative traits, including his lousy cooking, his failure at being a proper gentleman, his weak handle of liquor, and his occasional sailor's mouth.

A lightbulb went off in Canada's head. He realized that he could use a sailor's mouth to help him, too. A gruff voice and a foul mouth seemed like a great combination that Canada decided to try out. Using that tone of voice and character, he could list all of England's faults.

After 10 minutes of writing a little script, Canada called the concierge.

"Good evening, ma'am. Would you mind telling me what room Arthur Kirkland is residing in?" He paused, waiting for the reply. "Room 627? Is that right?" After getting the confirmation, he thanked the lady at the desk and dialed England's room number.

* * *

**Author's Note: The foul language is starting now. Just a heads up.**

* * *

England had just gotten out of the shower. He felt guilty for yelling at America; he only did it partly out of concern for his former colony. Not that he would admit this to America. Arthur was too prideful to do such a thing.

He just put on his evening outfit was about to make some tea when his hotel phone rang. Out of curiosity, England picked up the phone.

"Hello? " Arthur began with a calm voice.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Mr. Fucking Gentleman himself!" A gruff voice growled on the speaker.

Naturally, England was thrown off by the tone. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion as well as subtle irritation at the sound of such vulgar language. "I beg your pardon?"

"You heard me, fuckface!" The voice growled once more. "How have you been?"

In his head, England was trying to decipher who was speaking to him. He knew it wasn't America. The bloody fool would've unintentionally given himself away the moment he started calling him.

"I don't know who this is, and I would appreciate it if you called me by my real name. And I'll have you know I am the perfect gentleman!" England scolded.

"Is that the fucking liqueur responding to you, dumbass?" Mocked Canada, who was still maintaining the gruff voice.

England was getting frustrated. "The bloody hell are you getting at?"

"Oh, you fucking drunkard, the whole neighborhood can hear you!" replied Canada. "Don't you think you're a little old to be having imaginary friends? You kept calling out for this 'Flying Mint Bunny'-"

"I'll have you know that Flying Mint Bunny is a real creature!" England Snapped.

"Pfft, yeah, just like how your teeth are!" retorted Canada. "With all that drinking, it must do some damage to your teeth! Your dentist must love you!"

It was at that comment that England lost it.

"Sod _OFF_, you bloody wanker! I don't know who you are, but you're fucking pissing me off!" England shouted.

"Gee, whatever happened to the perfect gentleman? That language is ungentlemanly like, Arthur Kirkland!"

England just growled menacingly.

"Expect another call from me soon, fuckface! And by the way, your cooking fucking sucks! The smell enough is awful!"

"Fuck off, you twat!"

And with that, both nations simultaneously hung up the phone.

England put his face on a pillow and proceeded to scream into the pillow.

* * *

Canada, meanwhile, was laughing like there was no tomorrow.

"I'd say that was a success, do you agree, Kuma?" Breathed Canada as he tried to control his laughter.

Kuma just looked at him blankly. "Can you give me more salmon, whoever you are?"

Canada just patted him on the head and went up to get more food for his pet.

* * *

Two minutes after hanging up, England's phone rang again.

Unfortunately, England was still in a sour mood. Upon hearing the phone ringing, he growled and picked up with ferocity.

"Didn't I just tell you to _sod off?_!" He growled out.

"Opium?" A male voice replied, thrown off by the nasty tone of voice.

The island nation softened upon hearing who it was. "Oh, it's just you, China. I offer you my sincerest apologies."

"What happened?" China replied.

England frowned. "Some twat prank called me. He just poked fun at me for some reason telling me my teeth are not real, my cooking is poor, and calling me an alcoholic. I'll admit, I am not exactly strong at handling alcohol, but my cooking is spot on, and my teeth are real! It's quite clear that twat was watching too much of America's movies*," he ranted.

On the other end of the line, China was struggling to stifle his laughter. "Don't worry too much about it. It was probably America, opium."

"Believe it or not, I don't believe it was him. That brat has tried to make a prank call to me many times, and he still can't get it right."

"Well, don't worry about it. I was calling to see if you still want your boss to meet with mine?"

* * *

Meanwhile, Canada decided to eat dinner in his room tonight. He wanted to have dinner with the Netherlands, but he had made plans with his sister, Belgium.

He had just finished his order when his phone lit up with a notification.

It was from the Commonwealth group chat, affectionately named, "The Colony Club." Not only did it include nations part of the Commonwealth of Nations, but it included countries (And Sealand) that were ex-colonies of England's, except for America.

Specifically, this message was from Hong Kong.

* * *

Hong Kong_: Alright, who did it?_

Before Canada could ask, Pakistan replied with _'Did what_?'

Hong Kong: '_Prank call England. Teacher just told me about it.'_

South Africa: _Who is 'Teacher?'_

Canada: _China._

South Africa:_ I see._

India: _I bet it was America._

Hong Kong: _Teacher told me England said it wasn't America._

Hong Kong:_ Regardless, whoever did it did a good job, because England thought it was the prank caller again and told teacher to piss off._

Australia: _Damn. I wish I could've listened to that prank call. Kiwi-That's my nickname for New Zealand- can confirm that it wasn't me._

Cyprus: _Did England specify if it was a guy or girl?_

Hong Kong: _No_.

Seychelles: _Well that doesn't help. I want to congratulate the person bold enough to do it if England got that worked up._

Egypt: ^^

Australia:^^

India:^

Pakistan: ^^

Sealand: _Did India and Pakistan agree one something?!_

New Zealand: _It seems like that's the case._

Fiji: _We should all do one to England; like one day I'll do one, followed by India the next, and so forth._

Pakistan: _That's not a bad idea._

* * *

Canada smiled to himself. He couldn't but feel pleased that the others want to find out who did and congratulate. But he decided not to reveal himself, thinking that England will probably forget about him or not know who he is.

But given England's reaction to the call, if England mistakes him for America again and does not apologize for it, he'll prank call England again.

* * *

***: A British stereotype that originates from American movies is that the English have notoriously horrible teeth.**

**I hope this wasn't too insulting.**

**Again, if you don't like the story, don't read it.**


	3. Chapter 3

**'Matthew Williams: Prank Caller Extraordinaire'**

**By Forever Prosperous**

**Summary: Tired of getting mistaken for America, Canada found a way to get back at the offending nations in the form of prank calling.**

**Note 1: I don't own this anime. **

**Note 2: THIS STORY WILL HAVE MASSIVE SWEARING/STEREOTYPING! IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, ****_DON'T READ IT!_**

**Note 3: Please read the Author's note at the bottom when you're done!**

* * *

The next morning, Canada woke up 15 minutes ahead of his set alarm.

He picked out his clothes to wear for the meeting, which consisted of a handsome blazer, gray slacks, and black shoes.

However, he didn't prepare to get into the shower.

He was still replaying what happened yesterday in his mind. Part of him was saying that he acted way out of character, but, there was another part that was congratulating him.

_'Oh man, I haven't done something like that in a while,_' he thought to himself. The first time he ever made a prank call was to Cuba. He pretended to be an ice cream salesman claiming that Cuba had bought a month's supply of ice cream the night before.

Unfortunately, it didn't work, because Cuba thought he was America.

Still, Canada felt pleased with himself. Part of him wanted to make a wake-up call to England because Canada knew from back when he was a colony under England's control that he woke up before England.

However, he stuck to his principle of only doing it whenever someone mistook him for America and didn't apologize for it.

But then, he thought about how England has been doing this for years, and how there were times he wouldn't apologize for his error.

_'One more call wouldn't hurt,'_ Canada decided.

He grabbed his hotel phone and dialed England's room number.

Canada opted not to write out a script. Instead, he was going to say only one sentence and see how it goes from there.

It took three rings before England picked up.

"Hello?" Arthur answered. It was quite clear that he was just woken up.

'This is going to be good,' Canada thought as he smirked to himself.

"Rise and shine, fuckface!" Canada growled out. "Hope you didn't go out and drink too much! After all, This is when you usually wake up, right?"

There was silence. Canada knew that he had awoken a dragon.

"Listen here, you low life bum! And listen damn well!" England began, shouting into the mic. "First off, I did not go out and drink! Two: No, I do not wake up at this hour! And lastly, I have had it with you and your bullshit!"

Canada moved the phone away from him to cover up the fact he was laughing.

"I am going to find out who the bloody hell you are, and I am going to shove your phone so far up your ass you're gonna have to squeeze your ass cheeks to make a call! When I am done with you, you will wish you didn't annoy me like this!"

"Better get your teeth presentable, Arthur! Cheers!" Canada finished, before hanging up the phone.

* * *

On the other end of the line, England slammed his phone hard. He grabbed at his hair and tugged at it, muttering curse words.

"I swear, the person who is responsible for this is going to get a rude awakening themselves," He snarled to himself.

* * *

"I wonder what today has in store for me," Canada thought aloud after spending the previous two minutes laughing himself silly. "Maybe someone will notice me."

"Or that fat, creepy guy will sit on you again," Interjected Kumajiro.

Canada frowned. "I wouldn't call Russia fat, he's big boned," he replied. "However, I will agree with you about how he is creepy."

Kumajiro looked at him. "Can I stay home... Master? I'd say your real name, but I forgot it."

Canada smiled. "It's Canada, you silly goose." He then thought for a moment about letting Kuma stay in the hotel room. "You can stay in the room. Just don't get into any trouble, okay?"

The bear squealed in delight. "Now I don't have to listen to those other weirdos fight," he responded.

Canada just laughed.

Suddenly, there was knocking on his door. He went to the door and peeked into the little hole that enabled him to see who was at his door.

It was the Netherlands and his sister. He opened the door.

"Hello, Lars and Emma," Canada greeted warmly.

"Mathieu! It is so good to see you again!" Replied Belgium as she pulled into a welcoming hug.

"It's good to see you, too. Did you get a good night's rest?" Canada inquired.

"Oh yes, especially after that first day of meetings. They're draining," grumbled Belgium.

Canada nodded in agreement before turning his attention to the tall Dutchman. "How are you, Lars?"

"I'm doing fine. I'm sorry about not being able to have dinner with you," he replied.

Belgium turned to her brother, frowning. "You never told me Matthieu tried to make plans with you."

"You didn't ask, " Lars answered. "And we already made reservations. Besides, it was difficult to get reservations."

"It's fine, Emma," assured Canada.

"No, it's not," Emma countered. "It's not every day he gets to see you. With me, he could take the train to Bruxelles, and I can take the train to Amsterdam."

"How about we do lunch?" Canada suggested, sensing a potential argument between the two siblings.

"That's a lovely idea! What do you think, Lars?"

"As long as we all pay our fair share."

"Wow, your Dutch side came out conveniently," Belgium replied sarcastically, before nudging his shoulder. "Only teasing!"

The Netherlands rolled his eyes, and the trio began the walk to the meeting room.

* * *

For the next few minutes, as they walked down the street, they talked to each other about what has been going on in their lives.

"America!" A voice growled out.

Canada flinched a little, knowing who it was.

However, before he could prepare himself, the Netherlands spun around and sent a vicious glare at who was addressing Canada.

"It is _Canada_ you are speaking too," he snarled out.

The nation's eyes widened before a blush spread his cheeks. "I'm sorry, Canada. It seems like my coffee has not kicked in," Cuba apologized.

"Whatever coffee you use doesn't work," muttered the Netherlands. Thankfully, Cuba didn't hear him.

"Do you mind if I join you three on your walk to the meeting room?" Cuba asked.

"Of course you can! The more, the merrier!" Belgium chirped.

During their walk, Belgium pondered about her brother intervening to stop Cuba from punching Canada. Usually, her brother never intervened in other people's conflicts, even with those he considered his closest friends.

It appears that he ignored that rule.

_'Could it be...'_ Belgium thought. _'Does brother have a crush on Matthieu?'_

Belgium knew she had to pay close attention for the time being.

* * *

"How are you doing, Cuba?" Canada asked his friend.

"I'm doing well." Suddenly, Cuba's eyes widened a tiny bit as he remembered something. "Oh yeah! Someone has been messing with England."

Canada had to suppress a smirk.

"Yes, apparently that is the case," he replied.

On the other hand, Belgium and the Netherlands looked genuinely confused.

"What do you mean?" Belgium asked.

"Someone has been making prank calls to him," Cuba began. "I know this because I'm in the room next to his," he then clarified. "Anyway, whoever was doing it must've been poking fun at him, because I heard him screaming into the phone."

"They must have been doing a good job then," Lars replied with a small smirk. Belgium rolled her eyes.

"It was probably that fat capitalist who happens to be your brother," Cuba said.

"Actually," Canada began, "According to Hong Kong, China called England right after the prank caller, and England vented to him. In that rant, he claimed that it wasn't America."

"Really?" Cuba asked with an eyebrow raised. Canada nodded his head.

"That is surprising," Belgium replied. "Well, we're here!" She remarked, looking at the building where their meetings have been taking place.

* * *

Some nations were already there. Germany was arranging the seating chart.

At the computer was Estonia, who was setting up the presentations for each of the nations, though one could tell he was doing it halfheartedly. After all, most of these meetings ended in chaos.

Nearby sat Switzerland, reading an email on a laptop you would consider to be a museum piece. The fact that Switzerland used a computer that old didn't surprise anyone because he was stingy when it came to money. Beside him, Liechtenstein was reading a book.

And lastly, Japan was on his phone, playing a game.

It was at this moment that the Netherlands did another action that was out of character.

He walked over to Germany's location and made a request,

"Germany, please seat me next to Canada," The Netherlands requested.

"I'm sorry, but can you say who you want to sit next to? I was not paying attention," Germany replied.

The Netherlands was annoyed by this. "Canada. America's brother, in case you forgot."

"Thank you. And no, I didn't forget about Canada," Germany countered.

"Thanks," Lars replied curtly. And he turned back to where Belgium, Canada, and Cuba were standing.

"Well, Matthew, shall we sit?"

Canada nodded. And the two walked to the area they were seated at.

Belgium stayed still and watch the duo walk away from her.

Her brother's request to have his seat changed to be next to Canada's was all that she needed for confirmation. He never requested a seat change, even if he was sitting next to someone he didn't like, such as Spain.

She got out her phone and texted her other brother who was not in the meeting room yet.

9:02 AM: Belgium: _Lars has a crush on Canada! :)_

Luxembourg: _You just realized this now?_

Belgium: _Was it that obvious?_

Luxembourg: _For the past 70 or so years he flies to Ottawa to personally deliver tulips to Canada._

Upon reading that fact, Belgium facepalmed. She had completely forgotten about that fact.

* * *

Eventually, all of the nations arrived at the meeting room, thus leading to the meetings starting on time.

"Well, by special request, England has asked to go first," Germany declared.

England stood up, gathered his notes, and walked to the podium.

"Thank you, Germany. Now, first off," he began in an annoyed tone. "I received two prank calls from one of you."

There was silence in the room.

"I don't know about you, but to me, prank calls are annoying, especially when said caller says false things about you. So please, don't do it again. Now, I shall propose my idea on how we should solve pollution..."

"Whatever your idea is, chances are it is inferior to my idea!" America boasted.

England sighed in a frustrated tone. "Not now, America."

"I propose that we build a space force that will take away our waste and deliver to someplace like the Earth!"

"You idiot!" England snapped. "We are on the Earth!"

"Whatever," America retorted. "What are you going to propose? Use it as your ingredients?"

"Have you been prank calling me?"

"Ohonhonhon~ England is deflecting because he knows he's losing this argument. It wouldn't be the first fight he has lost," France taunted.

"Just what are you saying, you frog?"

"This keeps getting better and better," the Netherlands quietly remarked so only Canada could hear. Canada just giggled.

* * *

The chaos came quick, and it stayed for a while. Somehow, what turned into a fight between France, England and America somehow dragged in most of Europe, some of Asia and Africa.

Canada watched as Hungary bashed Romania in the head with her frying pan. He wondered what could've triggered that attack.

He also wondered what caused Poland, the other person sitting next to him, to get embroiled in the brawl.

He knew the Netherlands left to have a cigarette or two, as Lars asked him to text him when order was restored.

Suddenly, something hit Canada in the head, and it made a noise. He grunted a little, and looked down and saw the microphone.

Canada was annoyed by the fact that he was hit. However, he noticed how England was somehow keeping his mouth shut while wrestling France.

Seeing that gave Canada an idea.

He got up to the speakers the microphone was connected to and turned the volume up. He then left the room, obviously unnoticed.

He hid behind the meeting doors outside. Covering the microphone, he cleared his throat. He took a deep breath, and put on the voice he used in his prank calls to England.

"Better protect those teeth, Arthur Kirkland! With your economy nearly in shit shape, You might not be able to pay your dentist for more false teeth!" Canada barked out. He quickly turned off the microphone, threw it back into the meeting room, and listened to what ensued afterward.

* * *

"WHO JUST SAID THAT?!" England roared. Everyone in that room stayed silent and looked at each other. Some of the nations were trying to hold back laughter.

"THAT IS ONE OF THE MAIN POINTS OF THIS CALLER! HE KEEPS PEDDLING CLAIMS THAT I HAVE HORRIBLE TEETH!" He screamed.

For 2 minutes, there was no noise. It became tense as England looked around for who could've done it.

Once it was clear no one was going to fess up, England picked up the microphone and handed it to Germany. "It is quite clear that a break is in order, " Germany sighed. "So, we shall take a two-hour recess. We shall begin at 12:35."

Upon hearing that, all the nations that weren't embroiled in a fight sighed out in relief and walked out. Some countries who were arguing with someone resumed their arguing.

* * *

Canada was still standing outside the meeting room, laughing at how angered England got.

"There, now I've got it all out of my system," giggled Canada. He decided that he was over messing with England. That is, until the next time England confused him for America.

He was just about to find Belgium and the Netherlands when he heard an angry nation (That was not England) yell out, "America!"

Canada sighed and rolled his eyes. 'Here we go again...'

* * *

**Yes, I have decided there will be hints of romance in this story. However, it won't be just the Netherlands who has a thing for Canada. And I'm not 100% sure if Canada will end up with somebody.**

**Now, here is the part you readers become involved. If you have an account, a poll has been introduced with 6 characters for you to choose from. Guest readers, from previous experience, I have learned that I can't take requests from guest readers, as it appears to be against the rules, so, I'm sorry you won't be able to have a say. However, it doesn't mention anywhere that you can't _wish _or _hope_ your choice of character can be chosen.**

**Another thing: APs are around the corner, so I will be busy studying for them. That means I won't have a lot of time to write. And in turn, that means the next chapter won't be out for a while.**

**So, I apologize in advance.**

**Thank you for reading. **

**Cheers.**


	4. Chapter 4

**'Matthew Williams: Prank Caller Extraordinaire'**

**By Forever Prosperous**

**Summary: Tired of getting mistaken for America, Canada found a way to get back at the offending nations in the form of prank calling.**

**Note 1: I don't own this anime. **

**Note 2: THIS STORY WILL HAVE MASSIVE SWEARING/STEREOTYPING! IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, ****_DON'T READ IT!_**

* * *

"America!" A voice called out.

Canada turned around, anticipating the nation who would confront him thinking he was "America."

He internally groaned when he saw it was Germany and Switzerland. Neither looked happy.

"You Dummkopf!" Germany scolded when he stopped walking.

"Germany," Canada began, "I'm not America, I'm-"

"You destroyed the meeting room! If you had chosen not to pick a fight with England, you wouldn't have created a brawl! The landlord has just called me to let me know that someone has to pay for the damages. Since you started this mess, you are paying for it!"

Germany then stormed off. Before Canada could attempt to tell Germany he wasn't America, Switzerland hit him in the gut with a gun.

Canada doubled over in pain.

"You swine! Because of the brawl you started, someone hit Liechtenstein with a pen! HER EYE COULD'VE BEEN POKED OUT!" Switzerland roared.

Canada didn't even bother trying to correct him.

"And before you say it, no, this has nothing to do with your pathetic excuse of chocolate!" And with that Switzerland stomped off, looking to find his sister.

Canada stood up straight after a couple of seconds of recomposing himself after that painful hit.

"Oh, god," he groaned. "Why does this always happen to me?" He then looked at the direction the two German-speaking countries departed and glared.

_'Time to formulate a script for them,'_ he thought to himself.

Suddenly, a hand gripped his right shoulder. Upon the sudden touch, he spun around and came face to face with France.

"Oh, mon chèr," France sighed. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, France. The pain is starting to subside," Canada replied.

"C'est bien. How can others not tell you and your brother apart? Your hair is silkier and smoother than your brother's. Not to mention you are more handsome than he is," France remarked, finishing with a wink.

Canada blushed at his kind words. "Thank you, Francis."

"Perhaps if you're brave enough," France continued, "you can confront him about his poor grammar. When he was chasing Italy off his property, I overheard him threatening to kill Italy 'Until he's dead.'"

Canada took note of that information, making sure to use it in his prank call.

He then got a text from his phone.

_Lars: Emma and I are downstairs. We're waiting for you._

Canada then put his phone away. "I have to go now, France."

France's interest was piqued. "What are you doing now?"

"I'm having lunch with Belgium and the Netherlands," Canada replied.

France grimaced. "I was hoping to have lunch with you. But alas, you already made plans."

"Want to do something for dinner?"

France smiled. "Of course, mon chèr. Text me your room number, and we'll work it out from there. À bientôt, for now!"

"Goodbye, Francis." Canada waved, before walking to the elevator.

* * *

France watched as Canada departed the area with a forlorn look.

'_I can't believe I used to treat him just as bad,'_ France thought to himself.

Starting in the late 1930s, for a couple of years, France had fallen in love with his former colony. He was terrified of his feelings. Not because he was religious, but because Canada viewed him as a father figure.

Instead of confronting Canada about them, he chose to ignore him and pretend he didn't exist. It wasn't until during the war that he learned Canada was devastated by the way France had "forgotten" about him. So, he plucked up the courage (Which was crazy to him, since he's typically confident when it comes to romance), and confessed to Canada that he loved him, and how it terrified him.

As he predicted, Canada did not have the same feelings towards him. And unsurprisingly to France, Canada didn't think he was disgusting for falling for a man. After all, the Frenchman did teach Canada that love came in a lot of forms.

Eventually, the love for Canada subsided, and the two are still good friends.

_'I'm glad he's still my friend,'_ France thought. And with that, he walked away.

* * *

Canada exited the elevator and found Belgium telling her brother about the brawl.

"And Lars! You should've seen Greece and Turkey! Those two were fighting as if tomorrow was their last day!"

The Netherlands nodded, before turning his attention to Canada.

"Hello, Matthew. Are you ready?"

"Yes, Lars. I should've texted you, but I forgot. My apologies," Canada replied.

The Netherlands waved his hand, dismissively. Belgium then told them about a restaurant she found, and they began their little trek.

* * *

"Matthieu, who do you think was the one who messed with England at the meeting?"

Canada pretended to act like he was thinking as the trio were walking to the restaurant. "I don't know Emma. It was quite humorous."

"I beg to differ," Belgium replied. Canada expected that answer, considering that she was mature when it came to things like that. "If I were to put my money on it, I would say it was one of his other colonies."

"Maybe," Canada said. '_You're looking at him,'_ he then thought to himself.

Belgium then stopped walking and frowned at a nearby food stand that was advertising freshly made Belgian waffles.

"I can already tell you that those taste like merde," she declared.

Canada chuckled at that statement.

"Just like how the pancakes at IHOP are junk," smiled Canada.

The Netherlands felt tempted to tease Canada by saying he thought they were just as good-Even though he had never gone to the fast food chain- but his sister stopped him by announcing their arrival.

"We're here," Belgium noted.

Canada turned and looked at the restaurant.

"From what I've It has some sort of food/drink from every region on the planet," Belgium informed.

"It sounds good to me," Canada observed.

* * *

The trio was seated, and they each ordered their drinks.

For lunch, Canada had ordered a Croque Monsieur, Belgium had ordered Hashweh rice, and the Netherlands ordered some Sushi.

After the waiter left, Canada began speaking. "Hey, how's Henri doing? I haven't seen him yet."

"He's here for the conference," Lars replied. "He is hanging out with Moldova."

"How come?" Canada was a little thrown off by how it seemed random that those two nations.

"Oh, it is the cutest thing~ Moldova has been looking up to Luxembourg as to how to lift himself out of poverty," Belgium gushed. "Luxembourg is giving him some tips."

"That's sweet," smiled Canada. "At least Moldova is looking up to nations other than Russia."

"What do you mean?" Belgium asked.

"Well, I sat next to Romania at last month's conference, and he told me that he doesn't like how Moldova looks up to Russia."

Belgium grimaced. "That's not good. Russia is the last person that boy should look up to."

"I know," Canada replied. "Has anything new happened in your countries?"

"Well, I did have local elections a few weeks ago," replied the Netherlands. "It was quite unexpected."

"So I've heard," remarked Canada.

"Nothing new has happened in my place," answered Belgium. "Just gearing up for European Parliament elections."

Canada nodded his head. "Nothing new has happened in my country."

Just then, their server came and handed them their meals.

The trio ate in comfortable silence.

* * *

When it was time for the cheque, in a rare move, the Netherlands paid for the entire meal. Canada appreciated this gesture.

Belgium saw this as another confirmation of her brother's feelings for Canada.

After they paid the cheque, the trio walked back to the conference room, and sat for the rest of the meeting, which went by uneventfully.

* * *

"It was so fun having lunch with you Mathieu!" Belgium said as they arrived at Canada's room. "We need to try and do something like this again!"

"Yes," Canada agreed. "I'll see you two tomorrow?" The duo nodded, and with that, they said their goodbyes.

Canada smiled as he entered his room. He particularly liked Belgium and the Netherlands. After all, the Dutchman has been giving him tulips almost every year for nearly 75 years. And Belgium, well, she's someone that he can relate with. Both of them tend to be a bit more on the plain side and tend to be overshadowed by their neighbors.

Then, he saw the hotel phone and smirked. He knew what he had to do.

He walked to his phone and dialed the main desk.

"Hello there, I was wondering what room Mr. Vash Zwingli was staying in?" Canada asked. "He is in room 237? Great. Thank you." He hung up and took a deep breath to collect himself. He then dialed the Swiss man's number. After three rings, Switzerland picked up his phone.

"Hello?"

"Vash Zwingli, my favorite cheap bastard!" Canada barked out in a gruff voice that sounded like Popeye the sailor. "How are you doing?"

"Who is this?" Switzerland asked, irritation slowly seeping into his voice.

"Of course, you're too damn cheap to have your hotel phone have the option of caller ID!"

Switzerland growled. "Fuck off!"

"Were you that cheap to go to grammar school? Cause let me tell you, I was backpacking in Germany once, and I can hear you screaming at Italy that you will kill him until he's dead! You realize that doesn't make any fucking sense you dumbass?!"

"Whoever you are, you better stop now, or _else-_"

"Temper, temper, Switzy," Canada taunted in a condescending voice, knowing that that would piss him off even more. He then switched to his gruff Popeye-like voice. "Man, I should have Germany propose a resolution that you attend anger management therapy! Boy, that would be a unanimous vote right there!"

"FUCK OFF MY CASE! MY ANGER IS UNDER CONTROL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!" Switzerland roared into the speaker.

"Yeah, sure! And another thing; about you threatening to beat Japan with your peace prize, do you realize how ironic that is? It's amazing your peace prize hasn't been revoked!"

"SHUT UP YOU ASSHOLE! AND I'LL THREATEN WHOMEVER I LIKE, HOW I LIKE? CLEAR? NOW, FUCK OFF!"

"Bye, you cheap bastard!" And with that, The two nations simultaneously hung up their phones, with Switzerland putting a bit more force into it. After a few moments, Canada burst into laughter.

He was starting to like this method of getting back at nations who have mistaken him for America. He hoped that this would continue.

He would've done Germany, but he was starting to get a little tired.

_'I'll save Germany for tomorrow afternoon,'_ Canada decided.

Just then, he heard knocking at his door.

_'I wonder who it is,'_ Canada thought. He walked to the door and opened it.

There was France, his jaw wide open and face blushing.

_'Oh, merde,'_ Canada thought to himself as he began to come up with an explanation.

* * *

**Henri is my name for Luxembourg. **

**Moldova hanging out with Luxembourg getting tips to become less poor is one of my headcanons, too.**

**So, the results of the poll were this:  
Switzerland and Germany were tied with 2 votes each, while the others received 1.**

**Since it was like this for the past few days, I decided to go with this. Germany's "call" will be in the next chapter.**

**I will also be adding new nations to the poll, too. but since we have a nation that has a call planned, it won't be until chapter 6 you get to chose again.**


	5. Chapter 5

**'Matthew Williams: Prank Caller Extraordinaire'**

**By Forever Prosperous**

**Summary: Tired of getting mistaken for America, Canada found a way to get back at the offending nations in the form of prank calling.**

**Note 1: I don't own this anime. **

**Note 2: THIS STORY WILL HAVE MASSIVE SWEARING/STEREOTYPING! IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, ****_DON'T READ IT!_**

**Note 3: Please _please_ read the Author's note at the bottom when you're done!**

* * *

Canada and France just stared at each other, with the former biting his lip trying to explain what just happened, and the latter just looking at him in shock.

Eventually, Canada spoke. "Uh, I-It's not what you think, Francis..." He then trailed off.

'Who am I kidding?' Canada thought to himself.

"Matthieu," France started in a cautious tone. Just then, a door opened to his right, and Norway exited, heading towards the elevators. Canada decided to invite France into his room, so there weren't any eavesdroppers.

"Matthieu," France began once more. "Are you the one that sent those phone calls to Angleterre?"

Canada sighed. Might as well face the music, he thought to himself. "Y-yes. I was just mad at him for confusing-"

"Confusing you for your brother?" France finished. Canada nodded.

For a few moments, silence reigned. Canada was afraid of what was going to happen next.

Then, a smile grew on France, and his shoulders started to shake. Canada then realized that France was trying to hold back laughter.

Canada then let out a relieved laugh. Upon hearing that, France started laughing harder. Gradually, both were laughing hysterically. Kumajiro looked on in confusion for a moment, before shaking his head and trying to go back to sleep.

"Oh, Matthieu, you devious bastard," the Frenchman breathed out. "When did this start?"

"Well, it started on the first day of the conference. I just got fed up of letting myself get harassed for America's wrongdoings for the past few decades," Canada replied.

"How did you get the idea to send prank calls to him?"

"I overheard someone in a park yell at somebody who tried to do it to the person at the park."

"I see. And it appears to me that Suisse was your next target, non?" France inquired. Canada nodded his head.

"How much did you hear when I made the call to Switzerland, Francis?"

"When you scolded him on his temper," France replied.

Canada giggled upon being told that that was what he overheard.

"Well, are there any other nations on this list?"

"Just Germany," Canada answered. "He should be easier to do."

France nodded in agreement. "Well, there is this French restaurant that's on the other side of the city. I made a reservation for four. I invited Seychelles and Monaco, too. That's not a problem, is it?"

"No, cela me convient," Canada answered in French. France grinned at how he replied in French.

"I told them to meet here in a couple of minutes, and then we'll all go together." Canada nodded his head.

"So, what else did Suisse say to you, mon ami?"

"Well," Canada started, "Since he thought I was America, he yelled at me for starting the brawl in the meeting room and that something- I think a pen, I don't know- hit Liechtenstein. He then yelled at me about America's chocolate brands and how they'll never be as good as his."

France rolled his eyes. "He needs a lot of help," France began. "I would absolutely ask Germany to vote for a resolution on Suisse getting anger management."

Canada chuckled at that comment. Just then, the door knocked. Canada opened the door.

"Matthieu! It's so good to see you!" Seychelles greeted before enveloping him in a warm hug and giving him a kiss on both cheeks. She then entered the room. Canada bent down and gave Monaco a hug and kiss on the cheek.

"Bonjour, Monique," Canada greeted politely.

Monaco gave a small smile. "Hello, Matthieu. I hope you have been enjoying your stay here as much as I am?"

"Yes, it's been fine," Canada responded.

Monaco nodded. "Today's meeting was... Something," Monaco noted.

"Yes!" Exclaimed Seychelles in agreement. "I found it hilarious when that person made fun of England's teeth again!" Seychelles dissolved into giggles while Monaco smiled.

"I wonder who will be targeted next?" the island nation continued.

"Me too," Canada said, managing to hide his smirk with ease.

"What have you been doing for the past few days, Matthieu?" Monaco asked.

"Eh bien, I spent yesterday doing nothing."

_'Aside from calling England,'_ he thought in his head.

"Then, today, I was mistaken for America by Germany and Switzerland," he continued, noting how Seychelles grimaced and Monaco gave him a sympathetic look. "And during the break, I had lunch with Belgium and the Netherlands."

_'And just half an hour ago, I messed with Switzerland,'_ He thought to himself.

"I'm sorry to hear about Germany and Switzerland confusing you for your brother," Monaco said. "If it makes you feel any better, you're not the only one who has faced the wrath of either of those two."

"It's frustrating when they don't realize it," Canada grumbled.

"Yes," agreed France. "Well, let's make our way over to this restaurant."

* * *

It was a 20-minute walk to the restaurant.

Unsurprisingly, it was a French restaurant. Judging by the decor, it was clear that it had a Southern French theme, which meant the food was Southern French cuisine, which was a favorite amongst the four nations.

The dinner went well, with all of the food being very delicious.

* * *

After dropping off Monaco and Seychelles, France walked back with Canada to his room.

"Well, Matthieu, I'm thrilled we got to spend some time together. I always have a fun time with you. I hope we can do this again sometime later this week. Bon Nuit!" And with that, France strolled away.

Canada waved back towards France and entered his own room, feeling exhausted.

He falls asleep, still struggling to think of what to say to Germany in his prank call.

* * *

The next morning, Switzerland wakes up to the sound of knocking. He checks his clock and notes that it is a quarter to eight in the morning.

_'Who on earth could it be?'_ Switzerland thought to himself. '_I hope it's not Greece and Turkey asking for my help to settle **another** conflict...'_

He opened the door and saw no one was standing there, making him angry.

'_It's probably fucking Prussia being annoying_,' he thought to

He was just about to close the door when he saw a letter covering a box. He opened the letter -Which happened to be typed out- and what it said made him go insane.

**'I overheard you telling that foolish American that your chocolate is superior to his. Unfortunately, a cheap nation is not worthy of chocolate rich in taste and texture. So, enjoy these cheap American chocolates. :)'**

Switzerland growled, picked up the box and threw onto the floor of his room, slammed his door shut, and jumped up and down on the package of cheap chocolates.

_'Whoever did this has signed their fucking death warrant,'_ he thought to himself.

* * *

A couple of minutes later, England also received a knock on his door. He got up, wondering who it could be that was knocking on his door.

He saw that it was nobody. His eyebrows furrowed in irritation he then looked down, and nearly had an aneurysm.

Laying on the floor was a roll of toothpaste and a bottle of mouthwash, and another typed letter. England picked it up and read it. The message did not quell his sour mood at all; rather, it made it worse.

**'Whoever made those remarks about your teeth is not wrong. I past by a pharmacy and noticed they were having a sale on these items, and I thought of you. Hopefully, these top quality items will come in good use! :)'**

England picked up the items, slammed the door, and collapsed onto his bed and screamed into a pillow.

* * *

"THIS IS GETTING OLD!" England screamed to the nations.

He then flung the dental care products onto the table. Upon seeing these, many nations burst into laughter.

Canada stood there, perplexed.

_'Who could've done this?'_ He thought. He scanned the room, and his eyes widened when he saw France give him a knowing smirk and wink.

Canada burst into laughter.

He then got out his phone and texted France.

_'Well played, Francis! I thought you were terrified of England's anger?'_

_'That's not all, mon cher! ;) And no! How could you ever assume something like that?'_

Before he could ask France what he meant by that and tell him that he's in denial about being afraid of an angry England, the doors flung open and revealed a red-faced Switzerland, who looked like he was going to blow up like the Hindenburg.

He then showed the nations the chocolates and the letter.

He read the letter in a calm tone. Then when finished, he finally lost it.

"WHO FUCKING SENT THIS TO ME?!"

Once more nations burst into laughter. Canada looked at France, who gave him another wink.

Canada just looked at him disbelievingly.

_'He has balls of steel to do this... The guy is terrified of this nation!'_

"WHOEVER IS DOING THIS, I AM NOT CHEAP! NOR DO I HAVE A BAD TEMPER! ALSO, SOMEONE SENT ME AN OBNOXIOUS PHONE CALL!"

More laughter ensued over this outburst.

Germany's eyes rolled. He looked down at his agenda that outlined what resolutions will be voted on and what will be debated this meeting. He saw something that made him pale.

_'Mein Gott... This is going to end badly...'_

"Everyone!" Germany's voice boomed out loud to get everyone to calm down.

We are starting off with our first resolution to vote on," he began with a tone that was filled with dread. "All in favor of recommending that Switzerland seek out anger management therapy, raise your hand."

No one laughed at this resolution.

Well, more like everyone struggled to hold back their reaction to this resolution.

Switzerland's face turned an even deeper shade of red at this resolution. He glared at every nation, daring them to raise their hand.

"Oh, I just saw this scribbled on the sheet," Germany said. "It reads, "It is only a prank, do not take seriously.'"

Switzerland decided it wasn't worth going insane over and flopped into his seat. Unfortunately, he missed the chair and fell onto the ground.

That was what set everyone off (even Liechtenstein) to start laughing.

After picking himself up and patting out any wrinkles on his pants, Switzerland walked to Germany.

"Give me the fucking resolution, Germany," he demanded. Germany complied and watched as the short and grumpy nation tear it up and throw it in the garbage can.

"Why didn't you throw it out?" America asked him, knowing full well that he was winding up the Swiss even more. "Aren't you Swiss supposed to be like, super eco-fascist?"

Before Switzerland could react, Hungary hit him and America on the head with her pan in order to maintain the peace.

* * *

"Francis, you could've gotten in so much trouble!" Matthew exclaimed during their break. The break was an impromptu one since the meeting had gone by smoothly.

"Oh, mon ami, why do you think I typed out my letters?" Francis replied.

"How long did it take for you to get over your fear of computers?" Canada joked. France rolled his eyes.

"Mon dieu, you really have it out for everyone," Francis remarked.

Canada chuckled. "Anyway, I am struggling to think of stuff to say to Germany, aside from being too uptight," Canada sighed.

"Is it even worth trying to do it to him? In comparison to the other two you have done, he is the more methodical and will try and get to the bottom of this," France said.

"That's true," Canada acknowledged.

"But, I did hear about this interesting website..."

* * *

"Prank call dot com, eh?" Canada said to himself as he checked out the website.

Francis had told him that this website had soundboards of various fictional/real-life people that you can send to the people.

Another feature that attracted Canada's attention was this "Operator Prank." How it works is that one types in 2 phone numbers. One example is that one could call two people that hate one another. Their phones would call each other, so Person A would think Person B was calling them, and vice versa.

Canada wasn't sure which one to chose (he did make sure to favorite the website for future use). He then saw something that gave him a grin. It reminded him of some gossip France had told him ages ago via Italy. He got his phone out and dialed in Germany's phone number.

He then waited for the call to go through.

* * *

The sound of his phone ringing alerted Germany that someone was calling him. He was in the middle of a work conference call with his boss and her advisors. He got up and answered the phone.

"Ludwig Beilschmidt speaking."

_"Hi~ This is Joey from Toys 'N Us!"_

Germany frowned at the innuendo and blushed upon seeing the inquisitive looks the people on the other end were giving him.

_"I am just calling to confirm that order you made on the 21st, yes?"_

"What order-"

_"Herr Beilschmidt? Is now not a good a time to-"_

"Nein, nein! It's fine!" Germany exclaimed in a flustered manner.

_"You don't remember? You ordered a giant blowup naked doll,_" the prank call continued.

Germany spluttered at the recording, oblivious to the looks of disgust he was receiving from his boss and advisors.

"I did order such an item! Please cancel the order!"

_"It'll be arriving at your address at 3:30 tomorrow afternoon. Goodbye!"_

Just before Ludwig could say anything, he got interrupted by the recording once again.

"Haha~ You've just been pranked by Prank Calls dot com!" His eyebrow twitch in subtle anger at the revelation.

_"Herr Beilschmidt, we will end this call for the time being. It appears you have other... **matters** you need to take care of,"_ His boss said. "_Goodbye_."

And with that, she hung up.

Germany glowered at his phone. How in the world did someone find out about his... interest?

That's when he realized who could possibly have told him the info.

* * *

"ITALY!" He screamed angrily.

"AH! I'm sorry, Germany! Please, PLEASE let me go!" Italy wailed.

"Not until you tell me who you told recently!" Germany shouted.

"Ve~ I don't remember! Honest! Please let me go! I don't want to die!"

Germany just sighed.

_'I will get to the bottom of this,'_ Germany thought to himself, before shaking his head. He was getting so worked up over a prank call. '_Perhaps it might've been my idiot brother trying to mess with me...'_

He decided to just let Italy go, and as well as let go of the somewhat vulgar phone call (Though he will bring this up before the meeting).

* * *

**You're probably asking where the heck have I been, eh?**

**Three things: My job, University, and figuring out a dialogue for Germany's prank call.**

**It was pretty difficult for me, though I get the feeling that it shouldn't have been difficult. Anyway, I decided to go this route because I hated leaving you on a cliffhanger for so long.**

**I also apologize for giving you a somewhat horrible chapter.**

**It's been stressful these past few weeks. But I'm trying to get the hang of it.**

**Anyway, I'm doing a new poll on who should be Canada's next victim. It's anonymous and it runs until October 12/13th. Please vote!**


End file.
